Are You Actually Into Them, or Just Into the Idea of Them?

Be honest—how many times have you fantasized about someone’s potential rather than who they actually are? It’s easy to fall for the idea of someone: the dreamy conversations you imagine, the potential dates you see in your head, the way they could treat you if things were different. But what if you’re more into the fantasy than the reality standing right in front of you?

The Psychology of Projection

Projection in relationships is when we assign traits, expectations, and fantasies onto someone, often without realizing it. According to Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist, this often happens when we meet someone who checks just a few boxes of what we desire, and we fill in the rest ourselves.

This isn’t about them—it’s about the version of them your brain has created. Maybe they were nice to you once, and now you’ve imagined them as your emotional savior. Maybe they’re attractive, and you’ve assumed they’re also kind, funny, and everything else you’ve ever wanted.

But the more we cling to these projections, the further we drift from reality.

Signs You’re Into the Idea of Them

• You’re more excited about the potential future than your actual interactions with them.
• You overlook red flags because you assume they’ll “change” once things progress.
• You feel disappointed often—not because of what they did, but because they aren’t living up to your ideal version of them.

Does this sound familiar? Don’t worry—you’re not alone. Many of us have been there, and recognizing it is the first step.

Reality Check: Who Are They Really?

Take a step back and reflect on your last few interactions with them. What did they actually say or do, versus what you wanted them to do? Ask yourself:

• Do I feel good when I’m with them, or do I feel good because of what I imagine they could be?
• Are they showing me genuine interest, or am I making excuses for their lack of effort?

How to Let Go of the Fantasy

1. Acknowledge the Gap:
   Write down what you admire about them versus what you wish they were. Seeing this list in black and white can help you separate fact from fiction.

2. Focus on Their Actions, Not Their Potential:
   As the saying goes, believe people when they show you who they are. If their actions don’t align with your expectations, it’s time to reconsider.

3. Shift the Narrative:
   Instead of mourning the fantasy, think of it as a lesson in what you want and deserve. You’ve learned more about your needs, and that’s a step forward.

4. Rebuild Your Confidence:
   Nothing says, “I know what I’m worth” like dressing for yourself. Our Adore Me  tights, with their playful embroidered messages, remind you that you don’t need to chase anyone’s potential—because you’re already enough.

Final Thought

The right person won’t just be a fantasy—they’ll show up as a real, imperfect, but genuine partner. When you let go of the “idea” of someone, you make space for someone real to walk into your life.